2007 3 29 06:22 AM 724次查看
Meeting the girl buried in my memories again, I've found out two things. The one is my heart beats more terribly then before, and the other is it really and truly beats without love any more.
This feeling turns to be so clearly that I have to face up to, though I almost lost it in my heart.
A dream must have its ending time, to be true, or to be destroied. I had broken my dreams as many as I had dreamed in my life. Is it meaning I should not dream for one more time?
Actually, I have no reason to complain, and I haven't thought to complain since long before. I am just such a child, feeling everything except pain, dreaming something never comes true, having nothing but happiness.
I've never hated a person such as myself. Why can I live so well without achieving one goal, and how can I be so happy even hurt everyone I've loved?
Recently, I've thought a lot about the life, not for myself only, such as "Do human beings born for dying?" I have a strange thought that the whole world, of course including ourselves, is an unexpected but interesting test of god. Maybe even god doesn't know what the end is either. He may want to tell us something that we can only guess. Maybe everybody spends all his life looking for the answer, but nobody has done it.
Because of finished playing the Infinity Loop series game, I think the answer is all is a skin game. The world may be the one I chose, or even I created. In my parallel world, everyting only runs for me.
So the heart also must have been beating for myself only, without any affection.
But if all these are truth, what can I believe then?
I really wish I never had this thought before my heart stop beating. I want to end everything for just can't suffer any more.
But even now, it beats strongly and endlessly...